It’s Thursday January 9th, and 2020 continues to be my least favorite Trump year thus far.
Mike woke up this morning bight-eyed and energetic, convinced he was ready to return to the airwaves tonight. Sadly, as this nasty virus is wont to do, he had to hit the sheets this afternoon. So that means I will once again delight you with a series of semi-coherent and barely connected narratives that weave current events with anecdotes about my pregnancy, stalker status, and chocolate chip cookies. It’s either that or I put together another “classic” Malloy comedy retrospective. Shoot me an email if that’s your preference for a Friday show if Mike isn’t able to return tomorrow.
What to discuss on the program tonight. Mike suggested the latest environmental horror story – the catastrophic wildfires in Australia. We touched on that briefly Monday, but the horror stories are eclipsed in the media by the ongoing nightmare that is Donald Trump. And that happened again today, when the Mafia Don held a Q and A after meeting with cattlemen (!) and sounded like the delusional dotard Kim Jong Crazy described – before they fell in love. I was getting ready for a doctor’s appointment, so I was listening to the TV but wasn’t watching when he started rambling, but I had to come out and look when he said that we took out Soleimani because he threatened to bomb our embassy. Gee, I wish somebody had told Senators Rand Paul and Mike Lee that yesterday, they wouldn’t have been upset about the complete lack of intelligence about an “imminent threat”
Then Trump started making bizarro comments about a New NATO “ME” for Mideast, like the New NAFTA he “renamed” USMCA because it sounds better, cuz’ he’s really good with da’ names an’ branding an’ stuff. Ain’t that right fellas? Then we saw a split screen with a stricken and pale Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau solemnly describing the growing realization that the Ukrainian flight 752 that exploded over Iran carrying 63 Canadians was, in fact, shot down by two Russian-made ballistic missiles. He acknowledged it could well be an accident. Doesn’t change the fact that this is additional collateral damage from the mafia hit The Don ordered on Soleimani, sparking 60+ deaths by stampede at his funeral. More souls for the Trump body count.
Trump was back now claiming that NATO Secretary General was his #1 fan:
And by the way, if you look at and speak to Secretary General Stoltenberg — who’s doing a terrific job, by the way — he will tell you that I raised $130 billion more than they were getting. It was going down from past administrations every single year. It was down to a very low number. I came in. I said, “You got to pay, folks. You got to pay. We’re working with you. We’re protecting you. We’re a part of this. You got to pay.” We don’t want to be the fools, like we have been for so many years.
So we raised $130 billion almost immediately. We had a meeting with all of the countries. I said, “You got to pay.” I mean, I can imagine they don’t like me as much as Obama and other people. But they got to pay. We’re protecting; you got to pay. We got $130 billion more — more. Not $130 [billion]; $130 [billion] more.
In fact, my biggest fan in the whole world is Secretary General Stoltenberg, because he can’t believe it. And now he just announced $530 billion we’ve gotten under my watch. And so we’re in great shape with — with that whole situation.
I know its a little late for a 2019 retrospective, but we’ve been sick with the flu since New Year’s Day, so we’re still playing catch-up, so I’d like to review The Apprentice: White House Y3 and time permitting I will complete last night’s bedtime story about my introduction to talk radio. I am beginning to feel like a combination Paul Harvey and Scheherazade, teasing out “the rest of the story” for another night. But truth is I’m just not a skilled talker like my hubby, and the clock ran out on me. Rookie error, apologies.
Join me for one more night, and thanks for those of you who have written to say I don’t suck! But I have to wonder, because our podcast subscriptions and podcast donations have screeched to a halt since Mike has been off and I’ve been guest hosting . . . I promise, he is coming back, hopefully tomorrow night. So fear not, my efforts are soon ending. But if you want the program to continue, please sponsor an hour or subscribe to the podcast, will ya?